Hitting the Wall Hairball
by Katy Byrne
Posted on 2007-06-28 13:20:07
What happened to the “spirit of rebellion,” without which, according to Thomas Jefferson, democracy cannot survive? We, the citizens of the freest, most powerful nation on Earth, have become oddly disempowered. Short-term economic gain has become so solidly our bottom line that scarcely anyone dares question the moral damage this is doing to the American soul.
--Marianne Williamson
In spite of good intentions, and the ever-evolving equalization of power between the sexes, there is no way to deny centuries of the patronization of women. From earliest times, men have hunted and women have given birth, taken care of the hearth and multi-tasked. At this point in human history, communication between the sexes is strained. We are still grunting and hunting.
Though it’s often uncomfortable, the analysis of male-female relationships is valuable. We should not just ignore the differences and pretend they don’t exist. The penis is direct, blunt—it shoots. The vagina is receptive, complex and full of feeling. We all know that the yin, the vulnerable, soft part of us, has been devalued in place of power.
This simple anatomical truth illustrates why women need to take the lead in modeling peaceful communication; and why men need to get up to speed or learn to slow down their shooting. Liberated women are leaving men in droves, not because we don’t love them, but because we want to connect and protect our world from violence.
As a woman in midlife, I still struggle with valuing my emotions and intuition. It’s agonizing to view the adoration of men as they gain power through entitlement, while many overlook the accomplishments of women. It isn’t that all men are self-absorbed and all women are great communicators, but as a rule, the inner female in all of us is snuffed out because of the pressure to perform. All this trying to be and have enough, is ultimately what results in war.
A sea of anxiety surrounds us all at this time in history, and our fear of expressing ourselves adds to our feeling of futility. Our way out is speaking our truth, so we can ultimately connect and thrive in community.
The giant hairball—the worldball—needs all of us to take responsibility for better communication. If we can’t create harmony in our homes, it’s senseless to blame the politicians for not doing it globally. As we learn to be open in dialogue, even when we disagree, we might make our environment safe for the animals and children.
I flash on a memory as I think about this: I remember a time when my “x” husband and I were house hunting. I felt so shot down that day, as we rode around endlessly viewing houses with our agent. My “x” rolled his eyes as I ruled out each house. Suddenly, I shouted, “Stop the car! What about that house on the corner?!” With a familiar groan, he shriveled in his seat as the realtor murmured, “Uh, yeah, I think that house did have a for sale sign on it last month.”
The upshot of the story is that we lived in that lovely house for years, and it made a fortune for us. My intuition was right on! We need our men to support us!
The purpose of conversation is to understand and learn from each other with empathy. This is the ancient art of inquiry: even in argument there is insight. We can, in our daily lives, be accountable for the successful unraveling of our hairballs in this critical time on Earth.
If we don’t learn to talk to each other soon, we may not have a world much longer in which to unravel our hairballs.
Editor’s note: We agree with the author’s premise as regards women’s secondary and subservient role historically and to a lesser degree presently here in the good ‘ole US of A. In fact we think it’s high time men retire from politics and other pursuits of power and let the women take the wheel. It’s our belief they can’t possibly fuck things up any more than we males have, and by and large think they’ll do a lot better. So guys let’s go fishing or NASCARing or retire to the den for a couple of centuries of sports on TV and let the women take over. I know a great little bar with a killer beer selection. Meet me there and we’ll talk it over.
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